Volume, Too by Koelen

Author:Koelen
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: BookBaby
Published: 2017-10-23T15:09:09+00:00

My work friend Tracy hadn’t seen her GBF (gay best friend) in six months. The two of them were bad Angelenos that lived on opposite sides of the hill from one another and hadn’t done a great job staying in touch. Finally, one Sunday afternoon, their schedules did align and they were able to me up at a cafe to rekindle their platonic love affair.

When they walked in, each removed their sunglasses from their L.A. faces and squinted just to make sure they weren’t totally going crazy on Adderall and had come to the right place.

They were thrilled to see each other and hugged one another with an endeared embrace.

“It’s so good to see you!” GBF said.

“Likewise!” Tracy said. “How are you?”

Their conversation erupted into full blown catching-upery. They really did enjoy each other’s company, and both individually questioned themselves as to why they’d let so much time pass between reunions.

Food came. Espresso moved to dopio. Laughter was resonating from Tracy and the GBF’s table. Finally, Tracy’s gay husband put his hand on the table, looked her right in the eye, and asked—cautiously,

“So...I have just GOT to ask you, lover... What have you done?”

“Done?” Tracy asked. “What do you mean done?”

“You know,” the GBF put his hand to his face and curled two fingers and a thumb, and with a “squish, squish” noise, shot up his invisible syringe.

“A li’l plumping...a little help...”

“WHAT?” Tracy demanded clarification. “Do you mean like Botox?”

“Yes girl,” the GBF said. “Like ‘help’!”

“HELP?” Tracy half yelled. “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

“Well girl,” he said defensively matter-of-factly. “You do look fucking great. You haven’t had Botox? Work done?”

“WHAT?! No, I haven’t had work done, you bitch!”

“Girl,” he started, “I ain’t trying to piss you off. I just know I haven’t seen you in half a year and you look fucking great like you discovered Buddha or meditation or the fountain of youth or something.”

“No!” She said.

“Lady, I ain’t trying to start shit. You just look good, honey chil’! What the hell have you done differently in the last six months?” Looking away to either make a quick getaway or have the server fetch him a cocktail asap, he turned back to her and said,

“Waiter, I’ll have what she’s having!”

They both had a laugh at that. Realizing he really was trying to compliment her, she thought for a good minute, before considering his accusations, before responding. Finally, it hit her.

“Well, come to think of it,” she said, “I quit drinking and started getting eight hours of sleep a night...”

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